My Fears

Fear can be an ally or it can be your wrose enemy. Right now it's my enemy... I have this awful fear of being alone.  I can't explain it the feeling and I think that is what worries me the most.  Even when I'm at work with all my friends around I feel like I'm in my own little world far away... maybe it's the fact that I'm getting older and my future want be with my friends and knowing they will be learning new things while I become old and just sit and talk about the days gone by... of what used to be.  I just don't like  the idea of sitting here alone.. this is one of my biggest fears... being alone

Where's the birds

I rode down the Pascagoula Beach yesterday, June 7, 2010, looking for a pelican I heard had oil on it, but I never found/saw it. 


After I didn't find it I stopped at the park and went walking on the peir and I did spot one pelican sitting out on a marker.  He was about 150 yards away so I really couldn't say he was the one with the oil.  It was so strange out on the pier yesterday afternoon... there wasn't any wind and even worse there was any birds.  Then this shrimp boat came by I shot pictures of it and it wasn't until I got home I realized there weren't any birds after it.  Every time I've seen a shrimp boat coming in it's been covered with seagulls and here this one with nothing.  Actually I saw two boats and neither had birds. 

It just felt so strange yesterday being in the pier with out the pelicans and seagulls flying all around and even at 'The Point' there wasn't any gulls.  Does it have anything to do with the oil spill??? I don't know..  The oil spill is just so bad... and the most innocent of all are paying the price... 

The Dummy Line

If this old road could talk the what a story it could tell. 

The old road at one time was a railroad bed, but that was before my time, for me it's always been know as the Dummy Line... I really need to ask Mom and Dad how it get that name, but to me as I was growing up it was a magic road.  When I walked down the path I could be on a safari looking for big game animals, or I may be leading my company of soliders to our next battle, or I may be a cop trying to run down some gangster on my bike.

I never knew what the next stroll down the old road would bring me, but looking back I think I gave me something at has helped me thru the years... it helped me build my imagination....


Now days I'm afraid kids don't have the imagination that we had because they don't have to imagine what a dragon looks like or would act like... it's all there for them in the games they play on their computers.  I wish there was a way just for one day I could be the same age as my grandsons and together we could walk down the old road in search of adventure... I guess in a way everytime I we walk down the path I do become that little boy again looking for that dragon. 


More than anything I think it's so important to keep the memories of our childhood alive and to pass them on to your children and our childrens children... how else will they know that Paw Paw was once a little boy that played here... looked for dragons, lead an army, went on big game hunts.  So many times we try to forget the past and in doing so we start to lose who we are... oh there's a lot of past I would like to forget but there's just somethings you can't close down no matter how hard one tries. 


So the time I go to see Mom and Dad you can bet I'll walk down the old road once again and almost like magic when I walk past the gate I can see and hear a little boy once again with his BB gun ahead of me, his dogs close by looking for that quest that only he's knows. 

PRECIOUS MEMORIES how they linger -- ever on my mind

Empty

I just feel empty today... 

How Time Changes Things

I've always heard that 'times heals all wounds'... well this may be true but not even time can heal the scars left by some pains. 

As I grow older, I see my life changing .... well the way I look at things anyway.  There were things I wanted so bad a couple of years back that now has no meaning to me what so ever.. It's really strange how our feeling for things change.  Oh there's still lots of things i want, but most of what I want isn't for me anymore... it's for my children and grandchildren... and what I want for them isn't things because 'things' don't last... what my wants for them are to be happy and love each other and to be there for each other... as for me well when I'm out with my camera and I can find something like this I'm happy... here again time has changed me... I've learned to look at things most people would pass by and maybe never give it a second look... this plant wasn't in some well kept water garden... it was in a ditch down a lonely old road were I go looking for birds to shoot. 

Yes time changes all of us...sometimes it helps ease the hurt, sometimes it helps us slow down so we can see the beauty of things others never see, sometimes we may even step back in time and re-live that last phone call from a friend who is no longer with us and think of how this person changed our lives just because.... times does change all of us.. sometimes for the better and sometimes for the bitterer...

I hope my time will be for the better... I want to find and share many more hidden treasures like this with others..

My Afternoon

What an afternoon.. I was sitting here looking at Facebook when I heard something hit the patio door.  Cody jumped up and found the little bird.  I was so afraid that he or Lucy was going to kill the little thing before I could check him out, but some how I was able to get the little bird.  I looked him over and didn't find any blood so I knew the dogs didn't hurt him to bad.. (Hoping anyway) I've got a pile of limbs and pine cones I want to burn at some point so I took him out there and placed him in the top where the dogs couldn't get to him and just left him to get his wind back.   I went back to check on him a little latter and he had gone down in the pile and when i got to looking for him, he jumped up on one of the old limbs... I ran back and got my camera and was able to get this picture before he flew off.  Never was I so happy to see a bird fly away as I was this afternoon. 

He's Baltimore Oriole just passing thru.

Feeling good about Work

'Precious Memories --- How they linger ever near me"

Everyone that knows me, knows how I worry about my work.  I'm always going back over it picking it apart.  I see things that just worry me to death that others tell me they never saw. 

Having said that.... awhile back someone got in touch with me and asked if I would do some family pictures for her.  This was one of  those I didn't have a clue about.  They had seem my work on Facebook and liked it and wanted ME to do family pictures for them.  Well you know I jumped at the chance to be out shooting. 

I had told her what I would do and how she could order more prints all of  that and made a date.  I wish someone could tell me why I can go shoot a wedding and never think a thing about it.. (I have one shot to do it), but when I do something like this I'm so nervous... haha

Later, after I had given her the prints I got this text message: ' We are so appreciate being able to get great quality pictures at a price we can swing. We so seldom have them made cuz of price. It also makes such a difference knowing there is a heart behind them not some overpriced studio with someone three just watching the clock. We really appreciate it!'

I know at some point and time I'll have to change my way of doing business, but for now I'm going to carry on as I'm doing now.  Here was a young family with young kids that wanted pictures for their family their parents and Grandparents.   What if I charged big fees and only sold one or 2 prints and there were others they wanted but couldn't afford... I want my people to be happy and be able to hang prints all over their house from our shoot.  I just don't want to be labeled as cheap.. there's nothing cheap about my work.  I set Q/A very high.  It's ture my work may never grace the cover of some magazine, but if they can feel a home with precious memories I've done something no magazine cover can ever do.  This is my goal for my business.  I feel if I can do this everything else will just fall in line... 

I hope in a couple of years I can look back at this post and smile and say 'I've done what I've set out to do'.

Great Afternoon

It's been a long week at work and I was done with everything by yesterday afternoon.  The weather was just to pretty to stay in the office with nothing to do this afternoon.... SO

I went by Walmart and got one of those folding chairs and was sitting out back taking in the spring afternoon and looked up and spotted bird high in the sky so I ran in and got my camera and got a few shots... in the back of my mind I was thinking 'hey this is an eagle' but I really couldn't tell until I loaded the card in the computer and sure enough I his white head was there. My day was made then!!!   Then a little later I was sitting back out there and spotted another bird. This one was smaller than the eagle so I got my camera and it turned out to be an osprey.  Two of them! They were hunting over the lake here behind the house.  One time it looked as if one had spotted a fish and was about to dive, but he didn't.  They did put on a good show for me.. flying low over the lake (low it's what you may think) and I was able to get some pretty good shots.  It's hard to hold the camera with the 400mm lens and keep track of the bird at the same time.  I must say I love my old Canon 20D.  When I got the 400L lens I put it on the 20D and haven't taken it off.  Maybe one day I can get the 600L. 


I sure needed this afternoon for some reason for the past week I've just felt so bad.. just not wanting to do anything.  I hate feeling like that and I don't care what people tell you there's nothing that can make you feel better.  I think what worries me the most about this is the way I brush my friends off at work.  They mean well and God knows I don't mean to be cold, but there's times I just can't help it.  

Well this afternoon has been great... I enjoy the little simple things like shooting these pictures of the birds and also Lauren is back in town.  When my little girls are gone Dad worries about them... no matter how old they get they will always be my babies and until I go to Whitesand I'll always worry.

The picture is of the Osprey this afternoon..

Another Day Passed

This was the sunrise this moring about 6:30 and here it is almost 6:30pm.  The days just have a way of getting away from me.  It has been a busy day for me.

I had written a lot this morning and somehow I lost it all before I could save it.  

The business my buddies were going to open isn't going to happen it looks like.  I had big hopes for them.  This makes me wonder if I can do it.  It's like every time I have a little dream it never goes anywhere.   All I do know is yesterday afternoon I wasn't feeling good.  I don't know what the problem was, but I couldn't shake it.  It was all dark in my little world and I don't like this.  I was hoping to get a note from the couple I shot pictures for Saturday night.  Just something to tell me they didn't or did like the pictures.  

Debbie did call me last week and tell me that she has 2 weddings and at first she said because they were going to be so small and she couldn't pay me much she wasn't going to call me, but thing she got to thinking about it and told me that she couldn't do them without me. hahaha ... I guess I'm pretty good... I think things are just very bad right now and people are trying to hold on to their money and I can sure understand that.  

Maybe this dark cloud will pass on over in a day or so... I sure hope it does.

Made my Day

My Grandsons.. Noah and Gage.. now they make my day when I'm with them....but this is about something else this afternoon... about a Facebook post from someone that doesn't know me...


 Heather -- my husband i simply love all your photography!!! do you shoot kids?


William -- kids, pets, flowers, birds, bees... you name it i shoot it... ;-) and thank your very much for your kind words.. i love photography and i hope it shows in my work...


Heather -- would love to have a new family portrait made with our new addition....
and your love does shine bright in your work! my husband and i sat for about 2 hours looking through all your work. the birds caught our attention at first ,(we saw a kite fly over our yard and saw a comment on another page that you had seen one as well) but we loved it all!
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 I got this at a time when I really needed it the most.  I see all these people going into business and I look at their work and for some of them I ask myself... 'does my work look like that?' ... hope the whole time it doesn't yet people flock to them. 


A couple of weeks ago I did an engagement shoot for a couple... Most of the time I've always given them the cd with the pictures and gone on and never hear anything again... well with this coulpe I tried something a little different.  I had proofs made and put in an album.. and when I was editing the shoot I just knew I had to do a slideshow for them... and it paid off.  I got to watch them watch the slideshow for the first time and the smiles and pointing just made all the extra time I spent well worth it.  Days later he came up to me at work and told they had watched the slideshow 5 or 6 times. 


Here's a funny.. my co-worker was on vaction last week and she told me that she was looking a tree and her husband saw her what she was looking at... She told him that working with me and seeing my photography all the time in the office she had started to look at things in a different way... I'm all ways telling them that there's beauty in almost everything.. it's up to us to find it..


I just had to share this this afternoon... maybe my work isn't so bad after all..