Just me thinking

Well another work day is done.. one more day closer to payday / retirement.. The subject came up today among Chip and myself. Chip didn't relize that I could retire at anytime... I guess what got us to talking about it was he got his 15 year pin today... and I was picking at him telling him I had one more I would like to get and that would be my 35 year pin... He could not believe that this year (July) will be my 34th year with the hospital system. WOW.. 34 years with the same company and in the same department.

I like to think about leaving, but what would I do with myself? As I stated this morning it's like no one wants photos or maybe it's just my photos. When I think about this the picture here is the way I feel. Like my time with the hospital I have put my heart and soul into my work. Maybe people just doesn't understand or see what I see...

With this picture I see a broken heart... I can feel her hurt.. maybe I see things that others can't or refuse to see. I can't or would I want to make people like my work.. my work is a part of me and I wouldn't have it any other way..

I'm going to keep shooting what and how I want to shoot it... some time, some where, some how, some one will like it... That's pretty much all I want... for someone to see something that I see and not just a print...

Oh well, not sure what made me sit down this afternoon and write... maybe it's the idea that nothing last forever and just once for a second I would like to know that something I've done has touched someone.. may I dream to much... or maybe I don't dream enough.. what ever --- this is me and I can't change..

Fat Tuesday

IT'S FAT TUESDAY...“Laissez les bon temps rouler” Happy Mardi Gras!

Here we are over half way thru February.. you know we'll look up and it's going to be Christmas again.... but let's not rush things.

So for this year I have not had one paying photo shot. Is it that things are so bad that people don't want to pay for pictures or is it my work sucks. Deep down these are questions have have to ask myself.. I really feel like my work can stand with any... now sure someone that shoots day after day may have a little edge on me but just wait.. some day people that have my prints are going to say this was one of "his prints' as in before WOW you've got a photo shot by William... hahaha... hey don't laugh it's going to happen.

This past weekend I did something I haven't done enought of... I took time for me... all the kids had things going on so I got in my truck and rode the back roads shooting pictures of birds and these trees. The old trees were killed in a fire but they refuse to fall... Maybe deep down that's the way I feel.... I refuse to quit... I refuse to fall... I may stumble, but I refuse to hit the ground.

There's a lot going on right now... things that make me have very mixed feelings about. All I've got to fall back on is that God makes no mistakes. Even at this I worry... when one child is happy and another one is upset... a parent is torn.. my heart wants to shout and at the same time it wants to weep.... what does a Dad do? I try to offer words of hope to the upset and happeness to to the other. Your children... I don't think even the grave can stop us loving them... I'm so lucky that I'm close to my girls.. even thro they don't tell me everything... they know they are my EVERYTHING.. I wish I could speak words of magic and all their dreams would come to be, but then after a time they would be left with the feeling of emptiness. True joy comes from working to get what you want... Now in all fairness here my children have never come to we wanting me to give them anything... we've always helped them but never have they expected anything from us... My girls... God himself only knows how much I love them and worry about them.. One already knows how it feels and one will before long and the other one will soon.. I keep tell her that things happen in its own time... somewhere there's a master plan and we only see the plan on a day to day base and then it's like a second to second look.

To my girls... Melissa, Lauren, and Mary Kathryn... I love you so much....