Dad's Pain

What is a Dad to do when his little girl calls and deep down he knows she is upset and even thro she tries to hide it he knows she is crying???

For me I just talk to her and try to assure her that things will be ok as I fight back the tears. Being a Dad or Mom isn't an easy job and it's a job you can't call in sick, take a vacation, quit, or retire from... and even if any of these options were possible I wouldn't want to take any of them.

My little girls (grown now- but still my little girls) are the most valuable thing I have and there's not one thing I wouldn't do for them.

The thing that hurts me the most is when one of them is hurting and there's nothing I can do. This just rips my heart out of my chest.

Remember when your children were small and they would ask the question "WHY" and most of the time you could come up with an answer.. well now there's a WHY out there I can't answer and it makes me question everything I've ever been taught... I look around and see and hear of children being beaten, abandoned, not loved and even aborted.. and even I have to ask WHY... for me there's something so wrong with all this and I just can't get my mind and arms around it and it hurts me.. What do I tell my little girl??? Can someone explain it to me so maybe I can kinda understand... I see no rhyme or reason to anything anymore...

All I know is that my baby girl is hurting and there's nothing Dad can do and that is just about to tear me apart.  I just want to take her in my arms and just hold her as I did so many years ago and just rock her and whisper to her again that it's going to be ok.. Dad's got ya...

Dreams Again

I had another dream this week. The dream wasn't one were people died or got hurt, but it was one of those dreams where I was with friends, but I didn't know any of them. We were laughing, talking and just having the best time... then I woke up. It was so disappointing to realize it was only a dream. This whole week this dream has been on my mind and I can't seem to forget it and it has made me feel so bad for some reason... I can't put my finger on just what it is or why... and I really hate feeling this way. Last night I couldn't sleep and part of it was I kept trying to remember the people in the dream and what impact they may have had on me to make me think of them... I just can't let go of this and I don't know why. Maybe it's caused from worry or stress. All I do know is that it was a party and it was so much fun to laugh.... maybe I really am going over the edge.. if over the edge is like the dream let's go... maybe being crazy isn't as bad as we think it is. hahaha...

The picture is one I took a couple of weeks ago when I went to Mom and Dads for the church reunion... We had a little party Sat night and when I left that night I knew I could go to church Sunday morning... there was something inside of me hurting from seeing all my old dear friends... and I just couldn't stand the pain... for some reason I felt like I was on the outside looking in...my friends did nothing to make me feel this way.. it was all me... in a way I feel like I've lost everything... it's something I can't explain.. but the hurt I felt was real.   There's times I just sit here and wonder... wonder about the meaning of it all and how things came to be as they are... I try not to think about it to much... maybe I'm just tired... that's it ... I'm just tired...