I hurt because YOU hurt

Of all a parent goes thru I think what hurts us the most is when one of babies are hurting and we can't do a thing to stop the hurt.

Yesterday Lauren called me and we got to talking about what's going on with her. It broke my heart to hear her the disappointment in her voice. I just wanted to reach in the phone and pull her to me and to hold my little girl and tell her that it's going to be ok.

I wish I had answers to all the 'whys' you've not asking, but I know they are there.   All I can say baby is that things always seem to work out.. don't give up.. don't give in... it will happen Baby... I want you to know thru all of this Daddy is thinking about you and loves you more and more each day... Dad loves his little La....  

A Visit

I write this morning more to myself than anything, because I want to remember my visit with my cousin this morning.

It was one of those dreams where those that have gone on before us come home to visit... for what ever reason Jeff came and I talked and laughed again this morning something that hasn't happened in almost 3 years now.

In my dream I was telling Jeff I needed to get a new inspection sticker for my truck.. and being the Jeff he was he started checking things to make sure everything was ok. The strange thing about it was we were in New Hebron.... the little town I grow up next to.

I'm not sure what kind of stress makes us dream about things like this, but I was happy for the visit... even thro it was just a dream.. or was it. The trees in the picture here are no longer living, but are they gone? ... really gone???

I guess people can say this or that, but no matter what people say.... there's one thing I'll say.. the visits (dreams) I have with my family members that have gone mean so much to me.. even thro they are just a dream -- I can hear the sound of their voice just as clear as the last time I talked to them. In a way the dreams leave me sad, but for a short time I am with them and I enjoy every millisecond of it.

Jeff it was just like you this morning to want to insure my truck was in top order... it was so good to see you and to talk to you and I do hope you will visit again...

My work--- My feelings

March 01, 2010 already. These past two months have just flown by... and I can't remember one thing that I've done. I feel like so many times my photos are so miss understood or that people don't see what I see... what ever the case at times this makes me wonder if I have what it takes or is it just that the right people hasn't seen my work.

Like the picture here this morning.. I shot it yesterday afternoon... I liked the way the setting sun back lit the the seed pod. Maybe it's just me and I'm really crazy... Well what ever it is I'm going to continue shooting things like this. if for no other reason I like it... and when the day is done it really only matters how I feel about my work that counts...

I've been looking at webpages of local photographers and looking at their work... and the only thing different is they are getting paid for their work... I truly feel my work is as if not better than some of theres... I just don't have the courage to step out... each time I've tried it's been a disaster in the since I work my butt off and the only prints people want are the free ones.. maybe I've got a problem with my charge scale.. maybe I've got it set to high or maybe it's to low, but when you put in hours of work on a shoot shouldn't you expect something in return.

Maybe I'm just feeling a little down this morning... that's all... oh yes I would like to make a little, but more than anything I just want to be noticed....

Yes, some of my pictures are a little different, but who wants to look at the same bird, same sunset, same pose over and over... I like to look for things that are different, things that may one say 'I never saw that before' and the whole time it's been there. I want to bring little everyday things to life.. like this seed pod... it's been there for months, but it was the setting sun lite that made me see it for the first time... little things like this are the things that I like...

There's an old warehouse around here I'm going to check out maybe this afternoon.. I can't go in, but I saw something the other evening passing by (without my camera) that just hit me.. the setting sun was streaming thru the old building and the light and dark shadows just hit me as something I must shoot and save.. How many people has passed but that old place and never seen this... again I ask you--- am I crazy... is this the beginning of the end for me??? haha... if it is I intend to jump over that edge in a big way....

I'm getting to the point to where I don't care if anyone likes my work.. I like it and I'll print it and hang it here in my house... I'll have to rotate it in and out as my house is so small and the walls are already covered.. hahaha.. Hey that's ok... I can sit and look at my work and remember the time and places... and most of all how I felt when I shot it...

I love what I do and I'm going to do what I love... and until others get onboard -- I'll ride the train alone....