Switch Flipped

I remember long ago I would watch shows where the bad people would put people in a trance and while they were under they would give them a trigger word that would set there evil plan into motion. Well that was long ago and it really may be going on today, but today something set my trigger.

I was feeling so good this afternoon and then I went for ride looking for something to shoot pictures of. I’ve got a set path I go and most times I see some kind of bird or something to shoot. When I got to the boat docks and pier I was ok. All that I could find was little crabs… so I shot a few pictures.  The light where they hiding wasn’t the best, but I gave it a try.

When I started to leave it was like someone flipped a switch. All of a sudden all I could feel was emptiness. It’s the worse feeling in the world and I don’t have a clue what caused. It’s strange how one minute you’re feeling great and the next you feel like you’re in the crapper. It’s not like the place has any special meaning… it’s just a place I’ve been several times in the past to shoot pictures. Maybe the screws that I have left are beginning to turn lose and little by little the nuts are coming off.

 Just hate ending what has been a good day on a note like this.

What Really Matter...

What we remember from childhood we remember forever - permanent ghosts, stamped, inked, imprinted, eternally seen. ~Cynthia Ozick




This morning there was a big dew and Gage likes to help me feed the birds before I carry him to school, it has gotten to be part of the morning for him now. Well this morning he tracked in the most grass and stuff and I almost said something to him, but I’m so glad I didn’t. It came to me that I can sweep up the trash and before long Gage will be to big to want to help feed the birds, but I think he’ll always remember the times he did help me. The days will fly by the floors will get dirty… who cares… I don’t…I’ll just clean them after I take him to school and tomorrow we’ll do it over again.

When the kids come to my house I don’t want them to feel like they have to walk on egg shells or be afraid if they spill something. There’s so much more to life than worrying about things like that. When they come to see me I want them to be little kids. I want to hear them laugh, scream, feel free to ask for things. I want them to know at Paw Paw’s house the number one rule is just don’t do anything that can get you hurt. This is the way my grandparents where and the memories I have. I can think of no better way to honor them than by trying to be like them.

Seven year olds don’t stay seven very long and I want to squeeze as many good times in as I can.

Bad Dreams...

A dream is a microscope through which we look at the hidden occurrences in our soul. ~Erich Fromm



Last night was one of those nights where every time I closed my eyes I had dreams. The dreams were of people saying mean and hateful things and then being rejected and tossed to the side.

 I guess with little Charlie being in the hospital and then tropical storm Lee coming in just had my mind in overdrive or maybe it’s something deeper that caused this. Maybe it was the idea of failing and being left to drift alone. 

Alone… there’s times we wish to be just by ourselves --- just to sit and think or sometimes just to sit and then there’s times we’re alone and it’s like the sound silence is so loud that it hurts our very being and then there’s times were with others yet we’re all alone. It’s hard for some to image how this feels and as hard as it is for them to understand it’s just has hard for me to try to explain so I just go with the flow… I never express how I feel most days… I just keep it all inside and every now and again when I have nights like last night I just have to come here and try to write it down so I can try to get it out. 

Beauty… things I see as beauty others may see as nothing more than a mere picture, but just remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder… and through my lens I try to see the beauty in everything.

This is why my dream troubles me so… it was so ugly, so vile, and even thro it was just a dream it made me think if others could really feel this way.

I’m trying to break out and learn to find what makes me feel good. Like this picture I shot this morning. Nothing makes me feel better than being able to capture things like this… it’s something at no one can copy… it is my picture and there will never be another like it. I know most want see the beauty in it, but for the few that do…