My Unseen Path

The past few weeks my path has been anything but smooth. I think of my love ones and all the pain and hurt rushes back and my heart is torn apart once again. Maybe I should find another way to try to deal with my hurt, but photography is the only outlet I know and with the use of old pictures I’ve done and ones I’ve scanned I sit here and work hours on end to put my feelings into a slideshow. It’s all I know what to do and in a strange way it helps me re-connect with what I’ve lost. What’s so funny about it, I’ll probably be the only person to every sit and watch them and this weekend I’ve watched the newest one a lot. No matter what I do I can’t get over the feeling I’m having and just feeling empty.

I’ve started to question what kind of Dad was I -- what kind of Dad am I? More than anything I want my girls to know that I love them so much and all I’ve ever wanted was only the best for them… and yes even Dad’s hurt at times and there’s nothing that can be done. Sometimes Dad’s hurt with a hurt that there’s no words to describe other than just to say my heart is heavy.


I guess with Lauren having problems and being in the hospital this weekend hasn’t helped any. When you become a Dad it’s a life long job and one I wouldn’t take anything for… it’s just when your little girl and she’s carrying your grandson you just feel so helpless. If we can keep her blood pressure down for 2 more weeks… last time the doctor was telling her -- if we could get 2 more months…


This brings me to something else that has really meant a lot to me and here again no one will ever know of this and really that’s not a bad thing. Over 37 years has passed since high school and there’s been a lot of water under the bridges. Back in high school I was just one of the many… I didn’t stand out… I was shy and had only a few close friends and all of them were younger so I really didn’t have any class friends. Fast forward 37 years or so and enter Facebook. I’ve become friends with so many classmates that I knew, but back then they didn’t have a clue about me. We’re all grandparents now--- and we do enjoy talking about the one thing we love most of all. It just makes me feel good to know that today I’m “somebody”. Someday when my photography takes off, there are a few friends I plan to give prints to just because they got to know “me” and believed in what I wanted out of life. In these past few weeks they have lent me their shoulders to lean on and never knew it, but sometimes just a simple “like” on a picture or a comment can mean so much.

“Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things. “ ~Author Unknown