When?

It's been one of those weeks well the past couple of weeks hasn't been real good really.  Every time I feel I'm climbing the up and about to get on top of the world, the my feet gets kicked out from under me and on my face I land once again.  A lot of it's my fault because I can't or want do something out of fear of hurting others.  It's almost like it's ok if I hurt.  There's something so wrong with this and I know it but still I allow it to happen.  

I just keep everything to myself because who wants to hear it ... there's nothing anyone can do and there's no reason to upset anyone. 

I hope soon, very soon I can begain to feel again and this time feel good for a change and longer than a week. 

Are the clouds gathering or are they breaking??

This how I feel.. not sure if things are gathering or if they are breaking.  I feel like I'm in the world of half here and half not.  I try to keep all this to myself because how could I explain it to someone when I really don't understand it myself.  All most people will say is oh you have so much to be thankful for.. I know that and it has nothing to do with NOT being thankful... for I am and I understand that, but there's got to be more to it than this.  I know that one day I'm not going to be here anymore and this fact really worries me... but there's there I can do about that fact... for it's just that a FACT.  What I don't like is the emptiness I feel now.  It's like being in a dark room where one can hear no sounds... totally void of light and sound and it cold... so cold.  When you see a crack in the wall and a little light come thru... you run to it.. only to have the door slammed on you.