Can't Sleep

Here it is a Saturday morning and I'm up before 4am. What's wrong with this? For some reason my mind just want slow down and allow me to rest.

What am I thinking about... I'm not sure and as for as I can tell nothing really, but there's got to be a reason for these onsets. I truly wish I knew why and how to fight these feelings.

Maybe it's my little world I live in. The little world of make be leave where I have no problems and everyone is always happy and then when the real world begins to encroach into my space I'm awaken from the dream or maybe it's that I don't have this little dream world that I can escape to.

I worry about things I have no control over. I worry a lot about Mary. I think she feels like she has to be just like her sisters and in most ways this isn't a bad thing, but in one aspect I feel like she is making the wrong chocies. What do I do? I try to talk to her, but I'm afraid if I say to much it will drive a wedge between us and she will for sure be in trouble.

I feel like the kids want me to do things that I really don't feel like doing, but here again what do I do? I want them, the kids, to be happy, but at what cost to me. I hate to say it but I truly don't know what it is to be happy anymore. Oh I put on a good show, but deep down there's no spark. My friends at work talk about the fun they have over the weekends and I envy them. They don't know what they have and I hope they never will find out how it feels to lose the spark of life.

I've got so much and I'm truly thankful for it. I don't mean to sound like 'woo is me' it's not that way. I love my family and enjoy their company, but there's just things I feel they just don't understand and they don't understand how some well meaning things hurt me.

There's things I would like to do, but yet I can not seem to find 'the will' to move on it and yet I know everyday I don't is one day less I'll have to try. To me there's nothing more fun than that of being behind a camera. I can sit here for hours shooting pictures of the birds in my backyard and I think having a studio would be the greatest thing in the world, but with the way things are in the world now I dare not even try something like that. Besides it seems everyone loves my work, but only to the point to where it's worth "free".

Oh well I've sat here and went on now for almost 45 minutes with out saying anything. I guess when you're a Dad the worring never stops, as your kids get older you just worry about different things in different ways.

Very UPSET

I read something today that really upset me and I'll share it here now:

FOXNews.com
Thursday, April 16, 2009

Georgetown University hid a religious inscription representing the name of Jesus during President Obama's address there Tuesday, FOXNews.com has confirmed, because White House staff asked the school to cover up all religious symbols and signs while the president was on stage.
The monogram IHS, whose letters spell out the name of Jesus, and which normally perches above the stage in Gaston Hall where the president spoke, was covered over with what appeared to be black wood during the address.
"In coordinating the logistical arrangements for the event, Georgetown honored the White House staff's request to cover all of the Georgetown University signage and symbols behind the Gaston Hall stage," university spokesman Andy Pino told FOXNews.com.

Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League, accused the university of "cowardice" for acceding to the White House, and criticized Obama's team for asking a religious school to "neuter itself" before the president made his address.

We, the United States, will pay for this and the due date is close at hand I'm afraid. All the things the United States was built on is being torn down. Obama may talk a good game, but this act today just goes to show how he really feels. We better take a long hard look at Matthew 10:33- Jesus speaking - "whoever shall deny Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven. I would take what Fox news reported today as Obama denying Jesus and with him being the head of the goverment he speaks for all of America right? Think about it when an CEO speaks, he speaks for the company and even thro most of the employees may disagree, his words and actions are what are reflected back on the company.

When America falls and all the rich are no longer rich and in power I hope they will remember who they voted for. Obama is not and never will be the savior nor does he or will he ever walk on water as many think he already can.

Easter Sunday

Here it is Easter Sunday and true to form it's been cold off and on all week and I mean COLD some morning.

Today will be the end of Mary's last high school Spring Break. Looking back over the past 12 years I can't believe she will be a SR this year and that Gage will be starting school this fall. I told Melissa that I guess next year I would have to take the whole week off so Gage would have someone to stay with... Dang it's a bad job being PawPaw.. hahaha

Well James and Ryan are moving up within the hospital system. I'm very proud of that fact. I remember years ago trying to move up and it was like every time I tried to take a step forward some how someone would knock me back 3 steps. I kept telling both of them over and over to hang on and not to give up. It took me 9 years of hard work to make it into programming, but I did. It's kinda sad to be on the short end of things now... after almost 33 years at the hospital I see what I hope will be a long and fulfilled retirement in view, but it's still hard to give it all up... the feel of being needed (used maybe a better word). Guys, I wish you both the best of luck and if I can ever do anything for you all you have to do is let me know.

Yesterday while I was sitting here I saw this little bird, a Painted Bunting. This was the first time I had ever seen this little bird so I went to eBird to log in my sighting and to see how many times it had been spotted in Jackson Co and for this year it has only been reported 3 times. Twice by the same person and location so I guessing they saw the same bird twice. I get a lot of enjoyment out of watching the birds and trying to shoot pictures of them. One just never knows what may show it.

Also yesterday I started working in the garden. If dollar weeds were flowers I would have the best flower bed in Pascagoula. I bet I dug what felt like a 100 pounds of the weeds up yesterday and still have more to go. I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to get out of bed this morning, but some how I did... hahaha

Well I guess I've run on here long enough... long enough for Cody to eat thru my printer cable anyway... that puppy...