Gone

This is kinda the way my world is now, mostly dark and void of life.

It's been a week and today is the first time I opened your door. The shock of a bear room hit me so hard it almost took my breath away.

Almost everything you took were yours, but one thing you took was my heart. Now, what's left of my heart is heavy and sad. I've cried enough to fill a river and would gladly cry it again if you would just come home where you belong.

I always thought I had raised you better than I guess I have. You have no idea of the pain that I've had... It's my hope that I live long enought for you to see what I've been trying to tell you.

As I've told you over and over... the door is always open for you to come back home. You have on I idea how I miss you and the love a Dad has for his little girl.

Love you,

Dad

What Now?

What a week.... Tues night I watch my last little girl walk across the same field her two older sisters walked across. There was so much pride and there was also a lot 'what now' in me. My little girl is growing up and it want be long she also will be out there on her own. It's as things are ment to be, but I'm sure I'll feel a since of loss.

The girls all went to Orange Beach this week and with Mary being going the old house is just that an old house. Even thro most of the time she's out and about I know that she'll be home and that when she comes home I'll hear her say 'I'm home Dad.. I love you'... then and only then can I go to sleep. Now I think that it want be long and this also will only be a memory for me to look back on.

Today I heard something again that really hit me... we were talking about Mary going to school this fall and that I would pay for it as there's no way she could get any help... (don't get me started on this), but anyway someone said that their kids had to get the money themselves... it was them that was going to benefit from going to school... and it's not this person didn't have the money.. My God.. I would and I do give my kids my last dollar.. if there's anything I can do to help them get ahead in this life I'll do it.... it's only money and I don't know anyone that takes a cent with them... not that I would have any to take anyway...

I guess tonight I'm just feeling a little down.... I'm not sure how I could explain it... I just feel like life is passing me by.... I'm alive and that's about it.... there's no LIFE...

Pascagoula High School Class of 2009

Well Mary Kathryn... your time to shine has come baby. Yesterday at church when you walked in a million things went thru my mind and all of them were about how proud of you I am.

Mary, I know high school wasn't the best time for you as friends go, but you took the high road and didn't go down the to the levels of others. I know there were times your so called friends hurt up, but you never stopped caring about them. Mary these are the very things that Bro Ben was talking about yesterday... The things that make you special.. I know something about you that everyone that has meet you and all those that will ever met will come to find out... Mary Kathryn you are very special. You have beauty on the outside that is 1000 times more on the inside. You care about people, even the ones that have hurt you. You, Melissa, and Lauren are the most caring people and I hope you will never lose this love of others.

Your Mom and I are so proud of what you've done and we look forward to see what you will do. Mary... always remember what Bro Ben said yesterday... reach for the stars... there's nothing wrong for wanting big things... dream big dreams, but always live in the real world. I know there's nothing you can't do Mary I've seen you work... You have the 'CAN DO' attitude.

One last thing Mary.. remember Bro Ben said yesterday that the pepole sitting behind you'll in church would always be there for you... There's nothing on this earth that would ever stop my loving or helping you... You just always remember the road that leads home...

Love you baby girl... Dad

Years going by

May 12, 2009 ---- 35 years (1974) ago May 12 was on a Sunday and it was Mother's Day. How do I know this.. well for me it was a big day... it was the day the class of Prentiss High School took there last look and walk as students at the school.

It's hard to believe it's been that long and tomorrow my youngest, Mary Kathryn, will all but end her years at PHS (Pascagoula High School).

These past 35 years has been full of ups and down like everyone has. I would like to look back at the old class of 74 and tell them that I made it. maybe I didn't make it as for as some, but I went further than most. Two years after walking off the football field I walked away from Prentiss to start a new life here in Pascagoula. By no means was it easy, but I did and I'm thankful to say I got three great daughters and two grandsons now.

Now with almost 33 years in at the hospital I'm looking forward to a somewhat early retirement. I can't help but look back at and wonder what happen to the all of the Class of 74. I do know that some of my class mates are no longer with us. Cindy passed away last year I was told.

To all my old class mates at PHS .... I hope your pass 35 years has been as good as mine has been.

Mother's Day 2009

I went up yesterday and spent the day with Mom and Dad. I showed Dad pictures of Cody. Dad told me that Cody looked like another little dog from a story book, but now I can't remember what he said the little dogs name was.

While I was there I tried to shoot some pictures of dragonflies. I guess if I want to do shoot theses kinds of pictures I'm going to have to get a mico set up... most of the shots were fuzzy in key places. There's times I think I should just give up.

Thinking back on Mother's Days past.. May 12, 1974 was Mother's Day it was also the day the Prentiss High class of 1974 graduated. I remember it was a very warm afteroon on the football field. I look back with amazement.... where did the past 35 years go.... and I think if I have 35 more years I'll be lucky.

I just feel my photography work isn't going anywhere. I'm beginning to think that it's not good and I'm afraid to take a job. All my life I've always lived with the idea that I'm not as good or my work isn't as good as the other persons. I just hope the girls didn't get this gene from me. This is a very bad way to feel and to live.

Well this is Mary's last few days at Pascagoula High... I think she told me that Wed will be her last day of classes.

My Baby Girl

Mary Kathryn, where has the time gone? What happen to my baby?





Mary, in my eyes you're still the little girl that I need to help, but in reality you have gown into a very pretty young lady. I'm very proud of you.





Saturday night when you came in from your last Prom you came in to let me know you were home. I asked you if you had had a good time and you told me it was the best prom... but what really touched me Mary was you thanked me... Mary you have no idea just how this moved me and meant to me. Such simple words that came from your heart. I hope from the bottom of my heart that someday you to will know and understand just what it means to be a parent and to love the love and respect of your children.




You three girls are just so special... I hope you know that and will always remember how your Mom and I tried to raise you. Looking back and seeing you'll now I think we did a pretty good job.


Love you girls so much... Dad

Photo Shoot this morning

It's Saturday morning and like every morning I'm up early.

This morning I'm going to be shooting pictures with a very special person so I've got to get a move on.

Yesterday Melissa called me on her way to work and told me that Gage was going to spend the night with Gee-Gee and he was bringing his camera. He wants Paw Paw to come get him so we could take some pictures together.

Gage loves sunrises so I hope we can get down to the beach this morning and watch the sun come up. It looks pretty cloudy this morning oh.

Maybe we'll get some shots and I'll post them... just the fact that he wants me to go with him means so much to me.

The picture this morning is Cody... I shot this last week while he was watching the birds at the feeder.

WHAT ???

Yahoo News --- 04/25/2009
An Associated Press-GfK poll taken in October 2008, just before Barack Obama won the election, found that just 17% of Americans thought the country was headed in the right direction. Today, as Obama's 100th day in office approaches, that number has jumped to 48%.

Just who did they poll?? I can get do a poll of 1000 people that can't smell and they will tell me that S*$# doesn't stink... and get figures like this... does this make it true???? I think not...

Sure if I were in the hand out line I would sing his praise also... but I WORK.. I PAY TAXES… things are not good... plants are closing over day… people that WANT to work are out of work and those that chose not to work just sit back and sing songs of joy... it's a great life... my checks keep coming in...

Things are not as good as he that thinks he can walk on water would have the foolish to believe… THINGS ARE BAD AND GETTING WORSE…

BLUE

Tonight is one of those nights where I just feel hurt. It's a hurt I can't explain. Tonight I was suppose to meet some friends at the waterfront and after I got there I had to leave. I just didn't like being around people... I never got to see them. I'll have to try to explain it Monday.

There's times I feel like I'm on top of the world and then when I try to enjoy the feeling it's like I've stepped off the world into some deep hole.

Tonight the house is so quiet..... as it is every night, but tonight it's like I can feel the silence yet as bad as it is I don't want to talk to anyone... I don't want to be alone, but yet I do want to be alone. I know this all sound so crazy.. yet it's how I'm feeling.

Most of the time all I want to do is stay home and shoot pictures of the birds.... and be alone...

I hate this feeling...

Up Early Again

Well, I'm up early again this morning. Don't let the post time fool ya... It was another 4am morning for me... hahaha

Today I'll be shooting pictures of peoples pets, dogs that is, for a benefit fund the hospital has. I've never done this kind of shoot before, but it can't be any worse than shooting a wedding or babies. hahaha I'm always ready to get behind the camera and dog show sounds like fun.. now tomorrow I may write something all together different like --- what the He@@ was I thinking when I signed on for this... hahahhaha

I just wish the weather looked better than it does this morning. I'm afraid it's going to be storming by lunch and that's when the show is to begin.

Anyway that's what I'll be doing this afternoon. With that in mind I wanted to use a picture today of Maggie. I lost little Maggie a year ago. Melissa got Maggie and then I kinda got her. She was always close by me when I was home and many years ago when I couldn't sleep she and I would go in the living room and she would be by my side while I sat and read all night. I could not have had a better friend.

Now I've got Lucy and Cody to keep me company. Lucy is like middle age and Cody is still pretty much a puppy... full of life. Cody just kills me the way he likes to worry Lucy. Lucy will roll her big black eyes around at me as to ask.. what should I do Dad? ... I tell her to jump on him... hahaha

I know a lot of people don't like dogs, but when I come home from a real bad day at work it's nice to have them meet me and to love and want to be loved on.

Well I'm going to start getting all my camera stuff together... i just hope the weather doesn't get bad this afternoon.

Maggie --- I'll always remember you little girl...