What Now?

What a week.... Tues night I watch my last little girl walk across the same field her two older sisters walked across. There was so much pride and there was also a lot 'what now' in me. My little girl is growing up and it want be long she also will be out there on her own. It's as things are ment to be, but I'm sure I'll feel a since of loss.

The girls all went to Orange Beach this week and with Mary being going the old house is just that an old house. Even thro most of the time she's out and about I know that she'll be home and that when she comes home I'll hear her say 'I'm home Dad.. I love you'... then and only then can I go to sleep. Now I think that it want be long and this also will only be a memory for me to look back on.

Today I heard something again that really hit me... we were talking about Mary going to school this fall and that I would pay for it as there's no way she could get any help... (don't get me started on this), but anyway someone said that their kids had to get the money themselves... it was them that was going to benefit from going to school... and it's not this person didn't have the money.. My God.. I would and I do give my kids my last dollar.. if there's anything I can do to help them get ahead in this life I'll do it.... it's only money and I don't know anyone that takes a cent with them... not that I would have any to take anyway...

I guess tonight I'm just feeling a little down.... I'm not sure how I could explain it... I just feel like life is passing me by.... I'm alive and that's about it.... there's no LIFE...