Are the clouds gathering or are they breaking??

This how I feel.. not sure if things are gathering or if they are breaking.  I feel like I'm in the world of half here and half not.  I try to keep all this to myself because how could I explain it to someone when I really don't understand it myself.  All most people will say is oh you have so much to be thankful for.. I know that and it has nothing to do with NOT being thankful... for I am and I understand that, but there's got to be more to it than this.  I know that one day I'm not going to be here anymore and this fact really worries me... but there's there I can do about that fact... for it's just that a FACT.  What I don't like is the emptiness I feel now.  It's like being in a dark room where one can hear no sounds... totally void of light and sound and it cold... so cold.  When you see a crack in the wall and a little light come thru... you run to it.. only to have the door slammed on you.