My work--- My feelings

March 01, 2010 already. These past two months have just flown by... and I can't remember one thing that I've done. I feel like so many times my photos are so miss understood or that people don't see what I see... what ever the case at times this makes me wonder if I have what it takes or is it just that the right people hasn't seen my work.

Like the picture here this morning.. I shot it yesterday afternoon... I liked the way the setting sun back lit the the seed pod. Maybe it's just me and I'm really crazy... Well what ever it is I'm going to continue shooting things like this. if for no other reason I like it... and when the day is done it really only matters how I feel about my work that counts...

I've been looking at webpages of local photographers and looking at their work... and the only thing different is they are getting paid for their work... I truly feel my work is as if not better than some of theres... I just don't have the courage to step out... each time I've tried it's been a disaster in the since I work my butt off and the only prints people want are the free ones.. maybe I've got a problem with my charge scale.. maybe I've got it set to high or maybe it's to low, but when you put in hours of work on a shoot shouldn't you expect something in return.

Maybe I'm just feeling a little down this morning... that's all... oh yes I would like to make a little, but more than anything I just want to be noticed....

Yes, some of my pictures are a little different, but who wants to look at the same bird, same sunset, same pose over and over... I like to look for things that are different, things that may one say 'I never saw that before' and the whole time it's been there. I want to bring little everyday things to life.. like this seed pod... it's been there for months, but it was the setting sun lite that made me see it for the first time... little things like this are the things that I like...

There's an old warehouse around here I'm going to check out maybe this afternoon.. I can't go in, but I saw something the other evening passing by (without my camera) that just hit me.. the setting sun was streaming thru the old building and the light and dark shadows just hit me as something I must shoot and save.. How many people has passed but that old place and never seen this... again I ask you--- am I crazy... is this the beginning of the end for me??? haha... if it is I intend to jump over that edge in a big way....

I'm getting to the point to where I don't care if anyone likes my work.. I like it and I'll print it and hang it here in my house... I'll have to rotate it in and out as my house is so small and the walls are already covered.. hahaha.. Hey that's ok... I can sit and look at my work and remember the time and places... and most of all how I felt when I shot it...

I love what I do and I'm going to do what I love... and until others get onboard -- I'll ride the train alone....

Ole Miss

Ole Miss students vote to replace Colonel Reb
2/23/2010, 5:53 p.m. CST
SHELIA BYRDThe Associated Press

(AP) — JACKSON, Miss. - University of Mississippi students voted Tuesday for the school to pursue a new mascot to replace Colonel Reb, the goateed Southern gent banished from the sidelines nearly seven years ago as the school continued its move away from symbols of the Old South.



The university has taken other steps in recent years to throw off what many perceive as lingering reminders of a Confederate past. Last year, the band stopped playing the fight song, "From Dixie With Love," to discourage fans from chanting, "the South will rise again." In 1997, the school ended the waving of Confederate flags at sporting events.


-- -- When we show our pride in our HERITAGE it's called RACISM... I bet very few of you have have heard of the University Grays.. we can't teach this in school anymore...



"I think the older generations need to stop pressing their feelings about race and what happened in the past on those of us who weren't even alive then," Loy said....


--- BY GOD THERE'S SOME THAT DON'T WANT TO FORGET THE PASS AND THROW IT UP EVERY TIME THEY WANT SOMETHING... my great great great great granddaddy so mistreated .... now TODAY you own ME something because of what HE went thru... I guess this is ok for THEM.... BULL SH&$..... what's goes for one should go for ALL....

I think the new mascot sould be a jackass... it would be fitting

A note from Mom

Back on my birthday I called Mom and asked her to write and tell me about the day I was born... I got this letter today.. Mom you don't know what this means to me... ;-)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Today is William’s birthday. He is 54 yrs today. It has been so short. I woke up about 12am and knew something was wrong. He was due March 8. I told Charles to go get Mama. I wanted her to go to with me. We took off to the hospital as soon as they came back. Dr. Holder was my doctor. Dad, Pat, Sybil and the Lee family there including Nook. Mrs. Wilma Lane was down there… she had a girl early that morning and went home that same day. They named her Gail. I lay in bed all day.. Pat said she got so angry because there weren’t doing anything for me. The pains were pretty bad, but I tried not to scare the family. They would come and peek in the door. That night the Doctor came in and said it may be the next day… I told him I couldn’t stand it that long… He asked if the pains were that bad and I said YES they are killing me.. haha -- So just like that he said let’s go! That was 9pm. They took a little 6lb 6oz baby boy to the nursery… said he was having a little trouble with his breathing. He looked like a small doll with a round head and black hair so short it looked like it was painted on his head. His eyes were black and he could look at you wondered what he was thinking. I was so scared to death of him. He was so little and sweet and smart… he said ‘me will be OK Mom'.

Charles = MY DAD

Dad = Grand Paw Roberts - Mom's Dad and Mom = Granny Roberts..

Pat = Aunt Patsy --- Sybil = Aunt Sybil --- Mom's 2 younger sisters

The Lee Family would be Daddy's Mom and Dad.. Granny and Grand Paw Lee, Uncle Carol - Dad's younger brother and Nook was Grand Paw Lee's brother...

Uncle Nook is a story all alone... a very good story I must add..

Days gone by-- Remembered

What a difference a day makes.. yesterday was clean and sunny all day.. looks like rain today.


Friday night I went to Biloxi to buy an art pen.. driving down 90 at night is so different than 6 years ago.. I guess what really upset me was passing by Beauvoir.


Well Friday night passing by the old house all those things came rushing by... it was like my mind was in overdrive.. The old house looked good, but to know I would never walk the grounds again and it hurts. Things were said, sides were drown and the battle started. Now, as it was in the 1860's, it was friend against friend. Long time friendships were severed in a flash. There's one thing they can't take from us and that's our memories for the good times. The times we stood shoulder to shoulder to defend what we felt was right...



So much of Beauvoir is now gone for me now and it's not the house I'm talking about it's the soul of the place... I've lost my feelings for it in a way, but there's still that little tingle I feel for the good times there when I pass her... I can almost hear the laughing and talking.... Good times they were.

'Old times dar am not forgotten;
Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land. '


The lust for power destroyed more than Katrina....

Just me thinking

Well another work day is done.. one more day closer to payday / retirement.. The subject came up today among Chip and myself. Chip didn't relize that I could retire at anytime... I guess what got us to talking about it was he got his 15 year pin today... and I was picking at him telling him I had one more I would like to get and that would be my 35 year pin... He could not believe that this year (July) will be my 34th year with the hospital system. WOW.. 34 years with the same company and in the same department.

I like to think about leaving, but what would I do with myself? As I stated this morning it's like no one wants photos or maybe it's just my photos. When I think about this the picture here is the way I feel. Like my time with the hospital I have put my heart and soul into my work. Maybe people just doesn't understand or see what I see...

With this picture I see a broken heart... I can feel her hurt.. maybe I see things that others can't or refuse to see. I can't or would I want to make people like my work.. my work is a part of me and I wouldn't have it any other way..

I'm going to keep shooting what and how I want to shoot it... some time, some where, some how, some one will like it... That's pretty much all I want... for someone to see something that I see and not just a print...

Oh well, not sure what made me sit down this afternoon and write... maybe it's the idea that nothing last forever and just once for a second I would like to know that something I've done has touched someone.. may I dream to much... or maybe I don't dream enough.. what ever --- this is me and I can't change..

Fat Tuesday

IT'S FAT TUESDAY...“Laissez les bon temps rouler” Happy Mardi Gras!

Here we are over half way thru February.. you know we'll look up and it's going to be Christmas again.... but let's not rush things.

So for this year I have not had one paying photo shot. Is it that things are so bad that people don't want to pay for pictures or is it my work sucks. Deep down these are questions have have to ask myself.. I really feel like my work can stand with any... now sure someone that shoots day after day may have a little edge on me but just wait.. some day people that have my prints are going to say this was one of "his prints' as in before WOW you've got a photo shot by William... hahaha... hey don't laugh it's going to happen.

This past weekend I did something I haven't done enought of... I took time for me... all the kids had things going on so I got in my truck and rode the back roads shooting pictures of birds and these trees. The old trees were killed in a fire but they refuse to fall... Maybe deep down that's the way I feel.... I refuse to quit... I refuse to fall... I may stumble, but I refuse to hit the ground.

There's a lot going on right now... things that make me have very mixed feelings about. All I've got to fall back on is that God makes no mistakes. Even at this I worry... when one child is happy and another one is upset... a parent is torn.. my heart wants to shout and at the same time it wants to weep.... what does a Dad do? I try to offer words of hope to the upset and happeness to to the other. Your children... I don't think even the grave can stop us loving them... I'm so lucky that I'm close to my girls.. even thro they don't tell me everything... they know they are my EVERYTHING.. I wish I could speak words of magic and all their dreams would come to be, but then after a time they would be left with the feeling of emptiness. True joy comes from working to get what you want... Now in all fairness here my children have never come to we wanting me to give them anything... we've always helped them but never have they expected anything from us... My girls... God himself only knows how much I love them and worry about them.. One already knows how it feels and one will before long and the other one will soon.. I keep tell her that things happen in its own time... somewhere there's a master plan and we only see the plan on a day to day base and then it's like a second to second look.

To my girls... Melissa, Lauren, and Mary Kathryn... I love you so much....

54 years ago

This was the sunrise for my birthday this morning -- Feb 10, 2010

Looking back I have to ask myself, just where did the past 54 years go and how did they get away from me so fast.

This morning I called Mom and she was wishing me a happy birthday and I asked her what it was like 54 year ago to.

The year was 1956, a Friday morning... EARLY MORNING. Mom told me that around midnight she knew something was wrong and she got Dad up and told him to go get her Mom... that would be Granny Roberts. Well about 5am Mom went to the hospital and as soon as it was light she said the whole clan showed up at the hospital. That would be Granny and Grandpaw Roberts, Aunt Sybil, Granny and Paw Lee. Mom said the little waiting room was full. It was around 9pm the Doctor came in and told her that the labor could go on until the next morning and she told him she couldn't stand it anymore. Before then she had just been laying there not complaining because of all the people coming and going out of the room and she said if she had said anything Granny Roberts would have had a fit of worry.. hahaha So sometime after 9pm I was born. What really gets me is that the next day Grandpaw Roberts brought Mom the biggest box of Valentine candy. I only wish my Grandparents were here to see my grandkids and to see what they passed on in the way wanting to spend time with me when I was young. I love being with my grandkids... they make me see things I haven't seen in years...

I must say it has been a great day...

A NEW DAY HAS COME

There was a big upset last night in Massachusetts...Republican Scott Brown won a bitter US Senate race in Massachusetts on Wednesday, dealing a stunning blow to Barack Obama's (the great one) legislative agenda and casting doubt on the fate of his sweeping healthcare overhaul. Brown's defeat of Democratic state Attorney General Martha Coakley robbed Democrats of the crucial 60th Senate vote they need to overcome Republican procedural hurdles and sent shudders of fear through Democrats facing tough races in November's congressional elections. A Republican in Massachusetts is unheard of... I bet old Ted Kennedy is turning all kinds of flips in his grave now...old Ted always thought he was better and above the law and what HE said had to go… I think he thought he was going to live and rule the Senate forever… but just look at it now… a Republican taking his seat...and one that may throw a monkey wrench (hahaha) in the great ones plan to change health care... and all the Democrats are asking their stupid selves 'how could this happen'.. easy... People are tired of the backroom deals the Democrats and the oh great one has been making.. We, the working people are taxed to death as it is.. these deal making Democrats don't care... they don't pay taxes anyway... I'm so glad the way the race went.. I hope come NOV a lot more Democrats will be looking in the HELP WANTED ads..

Merry Christmas 2009

Merry Christmas....

Wow.. another Christmas is here... how time does fly. It's been a good year for the most part. I was able to shoot a good many pictures for pleasure and even some for profit. I was able to buy a few new toys (100-400mm L lens) for one thing and I have enjoyed it so much.

It wasn't so long ago that by this time the house would be full for noise.. the voices of little girls screaming ... 'Look what Santa left me' it's a much different house this morning.. it's very quiet... just the puppies here. It's not a bad thing.. I've very glad the girls are happy with their own families now... My girls, how I love them... We were all together last night and watching them gave me a very good feeling... The love they have for each other and the way they care about each other just gives me such a feeling.... I guess Ginger and I did do something right... NO we did a lot right... as crazy as it may look from the outside looking in we are still a family...

I can't wait to go see the boys and see what ole Santa left them... oh the joys of having little ones on Christmas morning...

Here's wishing everyone a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and VERY HAPPY AND BLESSED NEW YEAR..

What do they see?

Jonathan’s Dad passed away Wednesday afternoon, but Melissa did not want to upset Gage (who is only 5) so they tied to go on with life as much as possible. Thursday gage had his Thanksgiving lunch at school and I had the joy of meeting Melissa there and eating with him. Seeing the look on his face when he saw his Mom made my day and this little bit leads me into another… Jonathan, Melissa, and his Mom had to go to the funeral home Thursday even to make arrangements so Gee-Gee was keeping the boys. I went over to see Gee-Gee and talk with her about the flowers and to see the boys. Little Noah was all over me and as soon as Gage finished eating so was he. If one could bottle and sell the feeling I get from being loved like this…anyway Lauren came over to see Mom and the boys… I was holding Gage because he was tired and wanted his Mom and I looked up and Lauren had her head in Gee-Gee’s lap and that’s when I hit me…. It’s something I’ve always known, but there was just something about it Thursday night that really touched me. You never out grow Mom’s love and the need to be held by Mom no matter how old you are.


Melissa can to get the boys and I talked to her for a little and I came on home and shortly after so did Melissa and the boys. Well, I was talking to Melissa yesterday morning and she told me this story… now keep in mind Melissa and Jonathan at this point have not said anything about PawPaw Tolbert passing away… Melissa said she and Gage were talking on the ride home and Gage asked her.. Mom, who’s that man waving at us up in the sky. He has on a yellow shirt and white hair”… now remember Gage is only 5.