Back Once More

“life without love, is no life at all” ~ Leonardo da Vinci

August 29, 2015 – Saturday

It’s been awhile hasn’t it?  Time has a way of going by so fast yet it never goes faster than 60 seconds per minute… funny had that happens.  Ten years ago today, a Monday, so many lives were turned upside down and so many families lost love ones when Katrina hit the Gulf Coast.  I was at the hospital my kids were spread all over or so if felt.  I wasn’t able to hear from them and that was one of the worse feeling I had ever had.  Ten years and yet I can remember somethings about it as if it where last week.   It’s kinda funny that I’m sitting here and I’m having problems getting in touch with the kids.  Guess that goes with getting older – just not needed as much.   I retired in December of 2013 and things were going good or so we thought until October of 2014 when the news broke that the hospital had not being paying into the retirement system.   As of today we, the retirees aren’t sure what is going to happen.  For over 8 months I wasn’t able to sleep worrying about it and at one point it even go so bad I wasn’t able to pick my camera up.  The one thing that I loved to do, I couldn’t.  I wish I could say I’m back to 100% with my photography, but the fact is I’m still having a few problems and at times I just have to force myself to get up and go shoot.  When I do go out, I enjoy it, but still way back in my little brain there’s that fear that I still may lose everything – and that is such a sinking feeling.  This morning I went over to Bayou La Batre to shoot.  The weather was great and I really enjoyed it, but I must say this as much as I enjoy shooting and seeing things the way I do there’s something missing.  I get so tired talking to myself and getting the same reply.  HAHA
While I’m taking about my pictures --  Debi Lane has gotten me to a couple of art and craft shows and even join the South Mississippi Art Association.  Now here’s the big thing... Wade, the president, has asked me to give a program on the 8^th.  It may be a train wreck, but I’m looking forward to it.  At least I’ll get go show off some of my work to people that hasn’t seen it.  Well I hope I can start and keep this up again.   

January 11, 2014 -- Saturday

You can't postpone sorrow, so why would you postpone happiness? ~Robert Brault

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Sometimes I think I live right on the edge of happiness, but it’s a place with high walls and a locked gate.  I have a key that fits in the lock, but it want open the gate.  On the other side I hear people laughing and making plans while on this side I just hang my head and ask why… Why can’t I be happy… what am I doing wrong?  Maybe I’m to live a life alone and never know a smile again. Is this the way one should live their life?  

Light from the Darkness

When one door of happiness
closes, another opens;
but often we look so long at the closed door that
we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
~ Helen Keller

I often wonder if at some point and time I would ever be happy again. There have been times I felt like the darkness would over take me so why fight.  It's very strange that just when I feel the night is the darkest there's a streak of light of hope breaks through. 

Sunrise Sept 01, 2013mj

Happy

 All God’s angels come to us disguised.
~James Russell Lowell 

July 30, 2013 -- Tuesday

Today I’ve had one of the best days I’ve had in way to long…. My dear friend
Sundra came down yesterday to visit friends and we had dinner together last
night. Sundra is one of those friends I may not see for a year of more, but when
we see each other it’s just like we had seen each other just a day or so ago.
Being alone all the time one sometimes forgets how it feels to laugh and how
good it is to have someone talk to. In the past few years today has always been
a bad day, but today I’ve felt more alive than I have in a very long time. I
wish everyone could have a "Sundra”… someone that likes you for who you are and
wants nothing from you but your true friendship.

Sunrise Today

April 08, 2013

The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and
we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and
we only know them when they are gone.  ~George Elliot

When I got up this morning the morning sky was all cloudy and dark for the most part and just before I was about to leave for work I looked out back and saw this bright orange/yellow sky. I just had to get a picture of it… I was thinking how I could possibly use it in a slideshow at some point.

When I got to work I read where Margaret Thatcher had passed away. Mrs. Thatcher was a strong lady and I feel she was a good leader. I’ll always remember how she stood with President Ronald Reagan.


When I got home this afternoon I learned that Annette Funicello passed away also today. Annette was an original Mouseketeer. I like what she said :

She remembered in 1987: "Mr. Disney said to me one day, 'Annette, I have a favor to ask of you. I know all the girls are wearing bikinis, but you have an image to uphold. I would appreciate it if you would wear a one-piece suit.' I did, and I never regretted it."


Now I know why the sunrise was so nice… Heaven was opening its gates for two great ladies.

Dad

Loneliness is about the scariest thing out there. ~ Joss Whedon

It’s been a long time I know… for some reason I just haven’t been able to write. I think about it, but I just can’t sit down and do it. Maybe soon I can get back in to it.

It’s been just over two years now that Dad passed away. This morning when I called Mom she was talking about him a lot. She realizes now how Dad’s last couple of years must have been. Today she told me that Dad had to be lonely there at the house every day while she worked. Dad had gotten were it hard for him to get around and he couldn’t go out in the yard, couldn’t drive anymore so all he had to do was watch tv, take care of his little dog, Newly, and watch the birds at the feeder. He always enjoyed telling me about his birds and now when I go up to see Mom I like to sit in his chair and watch “his” birds. A funny thing happened not long ago. Mom had to talk Dad’s little dog to the vet . When the vet asked what the dogs name was Mom said, “Charles named her Newly, but I don’t know where he come up with the name”. When I went up to see Mom a couple of weeks ago she told me that she and Gene had figured out where Dad got the name Newly from, he had gotten it from watching Gunsmoke. All those years and Mom and my brother didn’t know that … guess I knew Dad on a different level or maybe I’m a lot like him. He loved Gunsmoke and it wasn’t long after Dad passed away that “Marshal Matt Dillon’ passed. It’s my hope that heaven is as real as we think and people like my Dad can talk to the ‘Marshal Matt Dillon’s’ that we looked up to. To say I miss Dad is an understatement… the old house just isn’t the same and Mom is now left alone and even thro she tries to fight off the loneness, I can hear it in her voice when I call her. Yes loneness is a frightening feeling.



My new grandbaby, Mari Caroline, will be six weeks old tomorrow.

Being Left Behind

Time is what we want most,
but what we use worst.
~ William Penn

Where did the time go? I can’t believe it was in September when I last wrote in here. For some reason I just haven’t wanted to write. Since my last visit Trent had his first birthday and I had my 57th birthday. That really makes me wonder – WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE…

When we start a job and have been there for years we start to dream about how it will one day feel to retire. I’m getting close to, but with very mixed feelings. I feel like I’m falling behind. Others are planning their future with the hospital and I see my past. I’ve had a good run with the hospital; I’ve worked hard and worked on many projects. The idea of giving my desk up and someone else sitting there kinda makes me uneasy. I had always hoped someday to do what I’ve always enjoyed, photography, but I don’t know if that will ever be. Everyone likes my work, but no one wants to own any of it.

Maybe within the next year I’ll find that peace that I need and again start looking forward to my retirement years.

My Star

In the night of death, hope sees a star,
and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing.  ~Robert Ingersoll

It’s been a good day today… a very good day and I think it’s because I had a visit last night from Dad.  I only saw his face for a second and only heard a few words, but his face and words told me he was happy.  Dad’s been gone a year and a half now and this was the first time I’ve ever dreamed about him.  My whole outlook as been better today… isn’t it something how a few seconds of a dream can make you feel good.  Maybe it was the ‘rustle of a wing’ knowing that I really needed something and I can’t think of a better gift than that short visit.  

Gage

The note about said it all… Melissa (my daughter) posted this picture this afternoon on her Facebook page. She brings the boys to me each morning and I take them to school for her.. She came in this morning tell me how Gage and Noah had gotten up and gotten dressed and that Gage had fixed Noah’s and his lunch box. She didn’t tell me about the note… LOL… This is what Melissa wrote this afternoon, “I opened his lunchbox to see what he packed for him. This is the note that I found on top that he wrote to Noah. ❤”

This little simple note to Gage wrote to his younger brother means more to me than all the money in the world. My Grandkids and Kids are my world…

My Little Web

Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. ~Robert Heinlein

I’m not sure what has happened, but I’m finding it much harder to write now days. I think about and want to; I just can’t sit at the keyboard.


Today after lunch I went out back to be with the grandkids… Gage and Noah were running around like always and little McKenna trying her best to keep up with them and today Charlie joined in the race. I was sitting there watching them and I could see little Trent in his walker… I came in to get him and his little face lit up like the sun. He and I sat and watch the others running around and every time McKenna would get close he would just smile. He loves his big sister.



Watching the kids run today made me so happy. I don’t think there’s anyway I could describe the feeling... it was just that a feeling… watching the little ones that only a few months ago couldn’t do anything on their own are now beginning to venture out… it very so slow, but they are doing it…


The quote is so true… my happiness is when my girls and my grandbabies are happy. The picture of the web… we are family… we are woven together like this web…