Great Afternoon

It's been a long week at work and I was done with everything by yesterday afternoon.  The weather was just to pretty to stay in the office with nothing to do this afternoon.... SO

I went by Walmart and got one of those folding chairs and was sitting out back taking in the spring afternoon and looked up and spotted bird high in the sky so I ran in and got my camera and got a few shots... in the back of my mind I was thinking 'hey this is an eagle' but I really couldn't tell until I loaded the card in the computer and sure enough I his white head was there. My day was made then!!!   Then a little later I was sitting back out there and spotted another bird. This one was smaller than the eagle so I got my camera and it turned out to be an osprey.  Two of them! They were hunting over the lake here behind the house.  One time it looked as if one had spotted a fish and was about to dive, but he didn't.  They did put on a good show for me.. flying low over the lake (low it's what you may think) and I was able to get some pretty good shots.  It's hard to hold the camera with the 400mm lens and keep track of the bird at the same time.  I must say I love my old Canon 20D.  When I got the 400L lens I put it on the 20D and haven't taken it off.  Maybe one day I can get the 600L. 


I sure needed this afternoon for some reason for the past week I've just felt so bad.. just not wanting to do anything.  I hate feeling like that and I don't care what people tell you there's nothing that can make you feel better.  I think what worries me the most about this is the way I brush my friends off at work.  They mean well and God knows I don't mean to be cold, but there's times I just can't help it.  

Well this afternoon has been great... I enjoy the little simple things like shooting these pictures of the birds and also Lauren is back in town.  When my little girls are gone Dad worries about them... no matter how old they get they will always be my babies and until I go to Whitesand I'll always worry.

The picture is of the Osprey this afternoon..

Another Day Passed

This was the sunrise this moring about 6:30 and here it is almost 6:30pm.  The days just have a way of getting away from me.  It has been a busy day for me.

I had written a lot this morning and somehow I lost it all before I could save it.  

The business my buddies were going to open isn't going to happen it looks like.  I had big hopes for them.  This makes me wonder if I can do it.  It's like every time I have a little dream it never goes anywhere.   All I do know is yesterday afternoon I wasn't feeling good.  I don't know what the problem was, but I couldn't shake it.  It was all dark in my little world and I don't like this.  I was hoping to get a note from the couple I shot pictures for Saturday night.  Just something to tell me they didn't or did like the pictures.  

Debbie did call me last week and tell me that she has 2 weddings and at first she said because they were going to be so small and she couldn't pay me much she wasn't going to call me, but thing she got to thinking about it and told me that she couldn't do them without me. hahaha ... I guess I'm pretty good... I think things are just very bad right now and people are trying to hold on to their money and I can sure understand that.  

Maybe this dark cloud will pass on over in a day or so... I sure hope it does.

Made my Day

My Grandsons.. Noah and Gage.. now they make my day when I'm with them....but this is about something else this afternoon... about a Facebook post from someone that doesn't know me...


 Heather -- my husband i simply love all your photography!!! do you shoot kids?


William -- kids, pets, flowers, birds, bees... you name it i shoot it... ;-) and thank your very much for your kind words.. i love photography and i hope it shows in my work...


Heather -- would love to have a new family portrait made with our new addition....
and your love does shine bright in your work! my husband and i sat for about 2 hours looking through all your work. the birds caught our attention at first ,(we saw a kite fly over our yard and saw a comment on another page that you had seen one as well) but we loved it all!
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 I got this at a time when I really needed it the most.  I see all these people going into business and I look at their work and for some of them I ask myself... 'does my work look like that?' ... hope the whole time it doesn't yet people flock to them. 


A couple of weeks ago I did an engagement shoot for a couple... Most of the time I've always given them the cd with the pictures and gone on and never hear anything again... well with this coulpe I tried something a little different.  I had proofs made and put in an album.. and when I was editing the shoot I just knew I had to do a slideshow for them... and it paid off.  I got to watch them watch the slideshow for the first time and the smiles and pointing just made all the extra time I spent well worth it.  Days later he came up to me at work and told they had watched the slideshow 5 or 6 times. 


Here's a funny.. my co-worker was on vaction last week and she told me that she was looking a tree and her husband saw her what she was looking at... She told him that working with me and seeing my photography all the time in the office she had started to look at things in a different way... I'm all ways telling them that there's beauty in almost everything.. it's up to us to find it..


I just had to share this this afternoon... maybe my work isn't so bad after all..

Children..

Kids or better yet GRANDKIDS...  you never know what they are going to do or say, but when they do better listen. 


Noah(left) and Gage are my two grandsons and being a Dad of 3 girls I'm learning all kinds of things all over again, like how to climb a tree or better yet how to get DOWN.  There's one statement I can make and when I'm with them there's never a dull moment.  

Now moving on to my girls... As a Dad I always hoped and prayed I was bring them up right.  There's only so much a parent can do and there comes a time when you must face the hard cold truth.. they are grown and no longer your little girl.  That doesn't stop the nights when you can't sleep because you're worried about something they have going on in their live... if something happened to them at work and they got upset or when they are sick... you never stop being a parent no matter how old your children... We as parents never ask for anything in return yet we get more and more each day.  I love my children with all my heart and soul and there's very, very few days that they don't call me just to check on Dad and to tell me the magic words.. 'love ya Dad'... last week Melissa and I were texting back and forth and she said something that just really touched me... "I'm so happy to call you my Daddy"... What more could a Dad ever ask for... there's nothing in this world that could ever compete with my children... There's so much I don't have yet there's so much MORE I do have... if I have to explain this one there's no way I could get you to understand... I guess it's just a Dad thing.... hahaha

To my kids... Never question my love for you..... Dad 

Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love.  ~~ Leo Buscaglia

Old Days - New Days

I've found a radio station that plays the old music we listened to back in the 70's.  Talking about going back in time... Back then our biggest worry was if we were going to have enough gas money to ride the streets of Prentiss all weekend... That's all we did was ride from one end to the other.  The old street was paved with bricks and I think we had 3 maybe 4 red lights.  When we passed someone we knew we would blow the horn... and you know what we enjoyed ourselves.   I think I always had a car load with me... What ever happen to those simple times.. How did we grow so old so fast?  I wish my girls could go back in time just for one weekend and see.   

Every now and again an old song will come on that makes me think of something that was going on.. like the song 'The Day The Music Died' ... I was sitting outside the courthouse waiting to get my drivers license.  Happy carefree times.  Guess it's true I'm getting old... hahaha

There's something else that... it's my photography.  When I look at an object I can't explain it, but I see things that I think others don't.  Maybe I've just got a warped mind, but when I see a stand of dead trees there's just something that reaches out to me... now I may pass the same stand days latter and there's nothing.   I've seen some of the pictures here on the internet where the photographer tries to tell me it's 'fine art', but having cars and power lines in the shot for me kinda kills the 'fine art' thing... I look at their work see what people say about it and wonder what I am doing wrong... I could see the picture I posted here hanging on an office wall... I just don't understand... maybe that's the problem... I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND... 

I really feel that sometime the right person is going to come across some of my work.. until then I'm going to keep shooting... Really I shoot for ME... I like it and like I've said before.. when the day is done if I'm happy with what I've done... that's all that matters.  RIGHT? I think so...  
   

Happiness and Sadness -- A very fine line

This was shot this morning.. and it's almost me.  It's like I'm in between the light and the dark.. The light being happy and the dark being upset. 

On one hand I'm happy and the other one I'm sad.  Being a Dad is so hard.. there's so many times I wish I could just take the hands of the clock and turn them backwards and make my girls my little girls again.  Back to a time where I could hold them in my arms and rock them and most of all make all the hurt go away. 

We all know there's all likes of love.. but one love that is so true and genuine and that is the love a child has for you. 

Lauren is learing that... Little Noah loves his Aunt Lauren without question and with her he would go to the ends of the world.  In my own way I've tried to tell Lauren that everything happens in it's own time... we can rush things.. we for sure don't know what tomorrow has in store for us... but today there's 2 little boys that loves her so much.. Gage is a little older but he still loves his Aunt La... maybe I've failed... but I really think that when the time is right everything will come together.  It hurts me so bad to see her upset... what's a Dad to do? 

What's a Dad to do?

I had lunch with Lauren yesterday and as always I enjoyed every second of if.   I know she worries about things and I feel she's afraid and what hurts me is there's not one thing I can do. 


I wish I could just put my arms around her and hold her like I did so many years ago, when Dad was able to make every thing ok. 

Questions

I really hate feeling the way I do right now.  There's nothing I want to do... like yesterday I went with Jonathan and the boys to Mobile... and I enjoyed being with them so much, but it was like a part of me just wasn't there. WHY?  I don't know if I has to do with worry or just what it could be. 

I can't get a statement Lauren told me out of my mind and most of all out of my heart.  We were talking Friday night and she said something that just made me want to pull her thru the phone and wrap my arms around her and hold her like she was my baby again. 

Like I've stated many times before when you child is upset and there's not one thing you can do as a Dad it breaks your heart and when your heart is heavy there's very little you want to do.

Another thing that has me upset is the fact that no matter what camera equipment I buy it's like it's not good enough.  I went out Friday afternoon to shoot some. Had what I was thinking was going to be great shots.. when I got back here and looked at them I was just sick.  They were not sharp.. what's up with this.. the lens I've got wasn't cheap, but yet it wasn't a prime 400L or 600L... I'm beginning to think even if I had  the prime lens would it have made a difference.. I guess I'll just have to question this one... there's no way I can go out and spend $6000 to $12,000 on a lens.    It's like the harder I try the worse I get.. what's up with that?  Then again it could just be me.. I don't know... all I know is that photography is something I love and it seems like I just can't get a break.   Maybe this is a poor choice of words... I try so hard and I never seem to make it... Maybe I should just hang it up and spend my money on other things... I can't do that... I guess I'll just keep on trying and maybe someday.... my someday will come.   

I hurt because YOU hurt

Of all a parent goes thru I think what hurts us the most is when one of babies are hurting and we can't do a thing to stop the hurt.

Yesterday Lauren called me and we got to talking about what's going on with her. It broke my heart to hear her the disappointment in her voice. I just wanted to reach in the phone and pull her to me and to hold my little girl and tell her that it's going to be ok.

I wish I had answers to all the 'whys' you've not asking, but I know they are there.   All I can say baby is that things always seem to work out.. don't give up.. don't give in... it will happen Baby... I want you to know thru all of this Daddy is thinking about you and loves you more and more each day... Dad loves his little La....  

A Visit

I write this morning more to myself than anything, because I want to remember my visit with my cousin this morning.

It was one of those dreams where those that have gone on before us come home to visit... for what ever reason Jeff came and I talked and laughed again this morning something that hasn't happened in almost 3 years now.

In my dream I was telling Jeff I needed to get a new inspection sticker for my truck.. and being the Jeff he was he started checking things to make sure everything was ok. The strange thing about it was we were in New Hebron.... the little town I grow up next to.

I'm not sure what kind of stress makes us dream about things like this, but I was happy for the visit... even thro it was just a dream.. or was it. The trees in the picture here are no longer living, but are they gone? ... really gone???

I guess people can say this or that, but no matter what people say.... there's one thing I'll say.. the visits (dreams) I have with my family members that have gone mean so much to me.. even thro they are just a dream -- I can hear the sound of their voice just as clear as the last time I talked to them. In a way the dreams leave me sad, but for a short time I am with them and I enjoy every millisecond of it.

Jeff it was just like you this morning to want to insure my truck was in top order... it was so good to see you and to talk to you and I do hope you will visit again...