What today may bring

We wake-up and go about our lives,and for the most part we never think about what the day may bring or how it may end.

This fact hit close to home yesterday afternoon. Jonathan's Dad passed away suddenly at home. Jonathan has been with Melissa for so long it's like he's one of mine and he is ... I feel for them today. It's going to be hard for them and the part that hurts me the most is there's I can do to take the pain away. I think this is a Dad's worse feeling... the feeling of being helpless when it comes to our kids.

I try to make a point every day to let my kids know what they mean to me and how much I love them. I never what them to question my feelings for them if something like this should ever happen to me. They are my life and even when I'm gone from here... I will live on thru them.

Jonathan, son, there's very little I can do, but ALWAYS know I'm here for you. I'll be keeping you, Melissa, the boys. and your Mom close to my heart.

Halloween

Another month is gone.. we're heading into the Thanksgiving and Christmas season and it feels like only weeks ago we had did this.

I'm at a lost of words this morning. There's so many things going on all at once and I just can't rap my arms around it.

There was a time not so long ago I looked forward to go to work each day. It was always something new and exciting for me to do. How I wake up in the middle of the night on Sunday and dread over take me. I feel as thro I'm being used and used up... I feel as thro I'm being eased out of things, yet there isn't anyone willing to try to lean what I do. My work is just the day in, day out stuff I know.. but I don't think anyone knows just want goes on in one of my days... how many calls I get for special one time reports. No one cares yet.. but when I'm gone -- someone is going to see just what I did. Sure I would like to work with new systems and learn new things... but when it comes down to it.. it's the day to day things that will make or break...

Maybe it's the time of the year that makes me feel like this... I really don't like the holidays... I'm sorry I just can't help it...

I'm trying to ease into my business.. I'm going very slow, but I feel like that can be a good thing...I'm trying to build a rapport with the people I've worked with in hopes they will in turn show others my work and I can build from there. I'm in no rush... my goal is to trun out work that has emotions ...

I did a shoot not long ago of a new Dad with his new baby... I could see the love and also the fear in his look... not fear as one would think of it, but just being afriad of holding such a small little thing and knowing that you are responsible for this little thing... I know the feeling very well... this is what I want other to see and feel years later when they see the prints...

As I have stated before, photography is not a job for me... it's a passion ... A passion that I hope I never lose...

I hope you have a good day and that you have or will find your passion for something..

Oct...

Dates on a calendar mark the passing of our days… yet there are some days that want pass. They stay with us forever it seems and are constant reminders of the past, for good or bad. The third weekend of October is such a date… I’m reminded that it was on this weekend that we buried my Grandpaw Roberts, I remember this weekend every year that my brother Gene and I would camp out at Beauvoir and enjoy Fall Muster. Then Jeff got involved with the Sons of Confederate Soldiers and he would camp with us… The memories of those good times… Then there are still other memories that haunt me about this time…dark and cold days… I guess we all have times we would like to erase, but if erasing the bad would remove the good I think for now I would like for things to stay as they are… for now. Time does heal all wounds, but even time can heal the scar the wound left.

The coming of October means that the holidays are getting close… and there’s a part of me that can’t stand the holidays… I guess no matter how hard I try I can’t enjoy them… I know people may find this hard to understand and it’s my hope that you never understand it or even worse come to experience this feeling.

Passing of Time

Almost 2 hours has passed since I got out of bed this morning. Time that I can remember, but can never get back.

Last weekend we went up to see Mom and Dad and while we were there Gage wanted to go walking. He loves to walk down a little road while we have always called the 'Dummy Line'. Melissa, Lauren, and Mary walked with us and as we walked Melissa got to talking about how she and Granny Lee would walk up and down the old road. To me it was like yesterday that Granny was holding my hand and walking the old road with me.. that was almost 50 years ago..

So many times, I think, we take time for granted... that we are always going to have that second chance... We shouldn't feel like we have that chance.. Yesterday Gage wanted me to come over and get him... It's beginning to be a Saturday morning thing that I take him to McDonalds... and I think it's great. I like to do things with him so I asked if he would like to do this and that and finally I asked if he would like to go to the flea market in Mobile. We went over there and althro the flea market isn't one of my things I enjoyed it so much. The thing that made it so much fun was having Gage alone and just he and I talking. Don't think a 5 year old can't tell you somethings.. hahaha

We talked about school.. about the playground... about his new friends.. and the games we made up as we went.. we took the back roads this time just so we could see things and some of the things he saw... it was still pretty early and the early morning sun was shinning on the trees... Gage said something to the effect that he liked the way it looked... I may have my photography buddy after all before long. he already likes to take pictures... and I feel he has the eye for the art...

Little Noah is just my heart also... if I should ever get to the point where I feel that no one loves or cares for me all I would need is for Noah to see me. Yesterday when he saw me he came running calling out "my PawPaw" .... This is love in it's purest form.

At the end of my day I hope they will walk the same paths with their grandkids and remember the times they had with me... not for the things I got for them, but for the times I gave them.

My children.. my hope for all the tomorrows...

Black Publishers Cry Racism Over Wilson Outburst, Join Boycott of South Carolina - Political News - FOXNews.com

Why does everything have to be RACISM... From what I've read and heard Obama was lying...

Black Publishers Cry Racism Over Wilson Outburst, Join Boycott of South Carolina - Political News - FOXNews.com

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9-11 (8 years out)

Sunrise this morning 9-11-09

9-11-2001 -- Eight years ago today we watched in shock as we watched the planes crash into the World Trade Center towers. We watched as innocent workers died and then police, fireman, and EMTs lost there lives. I can not imagine what those that lived the event felt. I knew that day that the world I woke up in would never be the same and yet there are those out there that believe that the CIA has done things that they should be punished for. Not me, if anything I think they should have done more and gotten more info.. if it comes down to some terrorist or my family… well guess who is going to lose… There’s not place in battle for bleeding hearts… and we are in a battle every day and I’m all for keeping my little family safe at all cost.

On Sept 11. 2001 not only were the Twin Towers falling; things closer to me were falling also. It’s amazing how we can remember the smallest of things when there’s hurt involved. I guess it’s true what they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger..

9-11-01 – I’ll never forget that day or the days that followed… for a lot of reasons.

Needing to be loved on

To me, Lucy and Cody, are like my kids. They don't like it when I leave for work every morning, but they so excited when I get home every afternoon.

Lucy is kinda like me, middle aged now and just likes to take it easy... very laid back now. Cody still has a lot of puppy in him and is very playful and demands a lot of attention. Lucy just takes it all in stride.

Yesterday was a long day at work and I really didn't feel like being on Facebook much, so I went in the living room to watch TV. Cody was off doing what ever Cody does... but Lucy followed me as always. I picked her up and sat her by me and petted and loved on her.

I think at times we lose sight of the little simple things in life... this little simple act not only made Lucy feel good, but it made me feel good also... The act of caring for another living thing should always make us feel good.

The Old Lion is at rest

Sen. Edward M. Kennedy was laid to rest yesterday after almost 50 years in the Senate. I felt bad for his family. Losing someone is never an easy thing to go thru.

Almost fifty years in office... this shouldn't happen. If the President can only hold office for 8 why should these people be allowed to die in office. I feel like 12 years should be long enough for them.. this would give them 1 1/2 presidents.

Most people in office, like Kennedy, has never had to work for a living they have no idea how it feels to live from paycheck to paycheck to put your kids thru school. Yet they are very fast to get laws passed that tax the working people so those that chose not to work can be cared for...

I feel like it's time that the "Kennedy's" in office are sent home and new blood in brought in with the understanding-- 'you are here but for a short time'. This lust and greed for power is killing us the working people. Our so call leaders -- local, state, and national--- all lead by 'do as I say, not as I do'.... I hope I'm wrong, but I bet everyone of them is willing to sell their souls to stay in office... Special interest groups with deep pockets... buy them... then they come home bragging about what a good job they did... yet because of their bargain with the devil 100's will lost their jobs... and because they did work guess what.. there's no help for them.. oh Mr. Jones I see here you made over $12,000 this year... never mind you had doctor bills, hospital bills and the likes... that YOU, Mr Jones paid out of pocket, we can't help you.... what's right about that??

We've teaching people what?? Why work... the Kennedy's in office will take care of us... all we'll have to do is cry a little louder..

I feel like it's time the crying stops... you know I cry every time I get a paycheck and see that 35% or better is gone before I ever see it... I really don't like the idea of people living the good life off my hard work.. .

What do we do?? I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing.. .VOTING... it's only one vote, but I feel like with that one vote I have the right to complain and voice my feelings.

TGIF

I was trying to get some shots of the lighting yesterday morning, it wasn't lighing enough to get good shots... anyway...


It's Friday.... and I'm thinking ----half day work day--- Mary is coming over and I told her we would go eat and do pretty much what ever she wanted to this afternoon.

Yesterday afternoon Gage had open house at his school so Gee-Gee was keeping Noah for Melissa. Ginger called me and told me that she was keeping Noah and told me to come over if I wanted to.. I went over and Noah and I played and played.... Like all small kids they are much better when they are not together and Mom and Dad aren't around. I hate the way things didn't work out between us, but I'm so gald that we can be friends and share special little times like this with our grandchildren...

Wednesday when Melissa picked Noah up at daycare she said he was so hot they came by here to get something to drink... (you know PawPaw always has something) ....Melissa said when they drove up Noah wanted to know were PawPaw's truck was... you know PawPaw is suppose to always be home...

This boys are something... they are so much smarter than I was at their age---- WATCH IT NOW--- I CAN HERE WHAT YOU'RE THINKING--- like the other day when I took Gage to the zoo... he was telling me things about the animals I didn't think a 5 year old would know. I think it comes from the fact of what Hillary Clinton almost got right... it takes a family to raise a child .. no a village.. The time I spend with the boys I'm always asking them questions... something to make them think and to reason out... more that anything I want the grankids to some day tell their grandkids about what a silly PawPaw they had and the fun we had together as I did with my grandparents.

I'm thinking Gage may walk in my footsteps with photography.. the child likes to take pictures.. and not just pictures of people, but of things most wouldn't see. You can bet that I'm going to do what ever if he so chooses.

Well I need to get a move on this morning ... I've got a couple of reports I need to finish up before I take off at lunch... AUDITS.. you've just got to love them... NOT....that's what I'm working on is detail reports for audits...

Looks like the fog has the sun blocked this morning ...

Going Crazy???

What a day I've had... I think everyone one at the hospital want me to create them a new report today... My fingers are sore from typing so much today... hahaha

There's something going on around here.. I hope no one is trying to make me think I'm going crazy because if you were to ask anyone I work with they would gladly tell ya that I was crazy already...

When I came home yesterday a light was on and I'm sure I turned it off before I walked out the door. I remember turning the lights off and tell Lucy and Cody to stay out of trouble... Lucy will, but Cody has still got a little puppy in him so he gets into things from time to time. Well I just wrote the light being on as Mary had come by the house after she had lunch with me. I called her and she said "no Daddy, I didn't go by" OK...

This morning I was running a bit late (late for me is getting to work at 7am... when everyone else comes in at 8... that's another story) so I didn't have time to feed the birds. I had some cornbread left from Sunday that I've been putting a little out each day and there were 2 pieces left... Well I was about to wash my coffee cup and a few other things when I saw the plate with the bread gone... OK.. now I'm kinda thinking..... I was talking to Melissa and she told me that she and the boys had come by and got a drink, but they didn't move anything...

Well when the dogs jump up in the middle of the night one night and start to bark at NOTHING you can bet I want be here to write about it... hahahaha

Anyway Debbie got the pictures posted from the wedding I helped shoot from the 15th. I enjoy shooting weddings.. I like all the stress and emotions... I've been looking over the pictures and going over every shot thinking what I could have done to make better.... I've said it over and over when I stop worring about my work that's the day I need to stop... I look at some of my pictures today and some from a few years ago it's like day and night... each shoot I gain more and each shoot I push myself to do better than the last... I like looking for the simple detail that otherwise would never be seen...

I'm always the happiest when I've got a camera in my hands...

the picture is of a White Wing Dove one of many that come to my feeders... both the birds and I get something from me feeding them