Rainy Sat morning

It's one of those rainly Saturdays outside and inside. I'm going to go get Gage in a bit so maybe once I get him I'll start to feel better.

Gage is having a problem riding the bus to school.. he's only 5 and he doesn't know anyone at the new school. Paw Paw understands how he feels so maybe I can make him forget about everything for a little while this morning.

Today - July 30 -- years ago

This is the sunrise from this morning- 07/30/2009.

It was a year ago I started this blog and I look back now and wonder where this past year has gone.

All day today I when I would look at the clock I had memories of the time on the clock from many years ago and thinking what I was doing at that time.. around 10 or so I remember washing my car... around 12 Doug made it to Moms... and so on. I can't remember what I did 10 minutes ago most times, yet I remember this date as if it were unfolding before me...

I try to let the pass go, but something’s aren't that easy to forget. Maybe this date next year will be a little easier. Here it is barely pass 6pm and all I want to do is just go to bed.

I went out on the GEO site and got some new hides and wanted to go hunting this afternoon. I even got new batteries for my GPS, but I can't get out. I can't explain it... I just don't want to do anything. I had planned on going to watch the Battle of Mobile Bay this weekend ... but the whole time I was planning it I knew I wasn't going to go. If it were possible I don't think I would ever leave the house. My friends tell me to go do things... I know they mean well, but I can't... I find no pleasure in doing anything. I don't know what's to become of me.... I'm afraid if I retire like I want to I'll really go down hill. I just don't know what I want anymore and that is a bad feeling.

Erase?

Off and on all day today my mind has drifted back to a Friday many years ago. I try not to think about the past to much, but same dates just bring things to mind.

I've wondered if it was possible to erase memories would I do it? I really don't know if I would or not.

I'm going to try and not think about it to much tomorrow, but here again some things aren't that easy to... We'll see....

Our Playing Field

I'm so tired of the playing field we have to live on... It's really amazing what some people can get away with while others are call racist.

Can anyone imagine what would have been said if President Bush had made the same comment that Barack Obama said at a White House news conference last week that Cambridge police "acted stupidly" in arresting Gates.

I’m tired of people like Gates playing the race card every time something comes up. It’s always we must not look at color, but just let something happen and boy then the color thing come into play big time. So what Gates has nearly 50 honorary degrees … hey I bet I can but the same ones online and they would carry the same weight.

We’re never going to get over the race thing because of things like this. Take a long hard look at this and you will see who the true racist is and it’s not the cops that Obama said "acted stupidly". BE SURE TO REMEMBER THOSE WORKS "acted stupidly" AND WHO SAID THEM.... and above all remember it's not about race....

33 and counting

It was 33 years ago today that I started working for Singing River Hospital as a third shift computer operator. The computer was a Honeywell 3200 and I think all the memory it had was less than 500k. Really... Those were the days...

Yesterday I shot a wedding with Debbie in Gulfport at a little place call Magnolia Plantation. We had the best time and the couple was just great... very easy going and anything we suggested they went along with it.... and some of the shots we did outside and let me tell you it was hot and never once did we hear any of the wedding party complain... I can't wait to see the pictures once Debbie get them edited and posted.

Like I was telling Debbie yesterday, anytime I'm behind the camera I'm happy. It may be shooting a sunrise at 6am or bees on flowers or something as special as yesterday....

I've had people tell me that there's no way they would shot a wedding... well me I enjoy it... you never know what the wedding will bring with it... like yesterday when Dad had his dance.. both almost started to cry... it's the little things like this I try to capture and save for all times...

I wish I could just step out and start my own business, but for some reason I just can't take that first step.. I know I keep saying I'm going to do it, but I'm afraid I'm going to wake up one morning and realize that my dream will never be because I waited to long and I've become to old..

I have a hard enough time as it is without charging people.. if I were to charge I never would do any pictures.. hahaha .... How do I get people to take me serious??... maybe if I were to set a price and I mean one at meant something that would help... that's kinda what I've heard anyway.

Oh Well ... we'll see want we....

When will this day be over?

Well I've made it almost thru the day. I don't know why, but holidays just make me feel so down. I can't stand the feeling.... I can't do anything when I feel like this. I'll be glad when Monday gets here and I can go back to work. What on earth will I ever do when I retire?

On the plus side I hear thunder and the sky is somewhat dark so maybe, just maybe we'll get some much needed rain this afternoon/ tonight.

Lauren just called to tell me they were home from the island and said the seas were bad coming in. Maybe it will move this way.

(the picture is of a cotton square)

Happy 4th of July

This is Cody keeping watch for me.

I can't believe the year is over half way gone already. I look back and wonder just where has the time gone and think I haven't done a thing this year. Well this isn't totally true... Ive stepped my photography up a bit but trying new things.

This time last month I was getting ready to shoot my cousins wedding in Pearl. I was thinking it was going to be a little small wedding... wrong... this is where I learned something also.. after shooting so many weddings with Debbie and Elaine, it's a lot easier when you have 2 people shooting. I almost worked myself to death, but I enjoyed seeing and being with family I haven't seem in years.

Next weekend this time I'll be getting ready to go help Debbie shot a wedding in Biloxi. I like it I can just go and be a worker and not have to bring all the prints home and edit and post them. I say this, but I think I really do enjoy sitting here going thru the images and remembering the special shots. I don't mean the ones where the wedding party is on the stage... when I get to work for Debbie and Elaine I'm free to look for those little special moments... a tear here a warm hug there... but I can only do this when I'm shooting for someone else.. other wise it's me that has to make sure everyone is on stage... I like the other better.. lot less stress... but when it comes down to it ... there's not a thing I don't like about photography... babies, birds, bees, flowers, weddings, sunrises / sets... you name it.

Well today what will I do... I'm afraid I've got nothing planned... other than to try to stay cool...

I'm Over it

I can't stand it anymore.. I've got to speak my mind...

I'm so tired of hearing about Michael Jackson. I'm so tired to hearing and reading what a great peron he was. What the hell... He was a singer and dancer... I don't know of one thing he did that made this world a better or safer place. What really makes me mad is when he is being made out to be some kind of hero.. People... what kind of values have we lowered ourselves to? He sure wasn't a roll model I would want for any of my kids...

What really made me upset was when the all great Obama said he was sending a personal note to the Jacksons... Did he send the family of Farrah Fawcett , or to any of the familes soldiers that were killed, but yet he can take time to send a letter to this family...

Again I ask-- were are our values??

One other thing I'm seeing is true... there's no justice in our court system. If you're a "star" you can get away with pretty much anything. I feel as if MJ had been tried as a "John Doe" he wouldn't have died at his home last Thur... he would have been locked away for the rest of his life on the charges that were brought against him. Where you see smoke there's a fire... and I feel the jury just looked the other way and was willing to let the house burn down rather than to take a stand and put the fire out.

Farrah Fawcett

I am told that we, humans that is, are the only living thing that understands that one day we will die. Sometimes that day seems to come to fast. Thursday, June 25, 2009 was one of those days. At the age of 62, Farrah Fawcett left her worldly pain behind.

In the 70’s Farrah was a TV star on one of the hottest shows on at the time… “Charlie's Angels” and then came her famous red swimsuit poster. I watched a video where the photographer was talking about the shoot that day. He was laughing and saying that he had shoot over 200 shots that day with different swimsuits and then she put on the red one… and for the background he used is old truck and to cover up some holes in it he used a blanket he had… once she posed of the shoot he said he made a couple of pictures and told her it was over… he had the shot he was looking for.. and this he did..

There was just something about Farrah, she was just a beauty. I’m afraid she will be remembered only by the 70’s group and soon she will be forgotten for ever. I guess to be remembered and have people make a big thing over you; one had to be a freak. This also happen Thursday, Michael Jackson died. One would think he had been the only entertainer on earth the way the news is playing up his death. I know what the jury said in his child cases, but I also know what money and being ‘famous” can do to a jury. If the same facts were put out in a table before a jury on some blue collar worker I believe that today that they had on Jackson, that person would never see the light of day as a free person ever again. Oh well, Thursday was judgment day…

Gone

This is kinda the way my world is now, mostly dark and void of life.

It's been a week and today is the first time I opened your door. The shock of a bear room hit me so hard it almost took my breath away.

Almost everything you took were yours, but one thing you took was my heart. Now, what's left of my heart is heavy and sad. I've cried enough to fill a river and would gladly cry it again if you would just come home where you belong.

I always thought I had raised you better than I guess I have. You have no idea of the pain that I've had... It's my hope that I live long enought for you to see what I've been trying to tell you.

As I've told you over and over... the door is always open for you to come back home. You have on I idea how I miss you and the love a Dad has for his little girl.

Love you,

Dad